Part of inviting you on this journey is because I want you to feel that someone, somewhere understands a part of your struggle. I see a lot of inspirational weight loss pages, and although they give me that extra push I sometimes need, I don’t feel understood. Yes, they address the ups and downs, but I want details. I want to know how you got through that day where you were just too damn exhausted to get out of bed, or that day your joints and muscles were in excruciating pain but you got through your morning jog, or the time you couldn’t sleep all night but still managed to get to the 5 AM workout. My hope is to build a supportive community where we provide some sort of validation for the not so good days but nonetheless are able to pick ourselves back up and continue our fitness journey.
As I said in my first post- I want to share the good, the not so good and the ugly. Years ago, I was down to 123 lbs, PR for a mile was 8.42 min, PR for a 5K trail run…can’t remember, but it was less than 29 minutes. I know these times may be slow in a runner’s world, but damn I FELT GOOD! Then the ugly came out of nowhere- crying, no motivation, panic attacks, angry outbursts, mood swings, BAM- 20lbs, 40 lbs, 60 lbs, 80 lbs…and it actually goes on. Despite how much I felt like I tried to go back to my “normal” weight, I started to feel like my own body was betraying me. I was busting my A$$, but wasn’t seeing any results. It was quite a dark time for me. (If you want more details, don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll be happy to share. At this point I’m trying to keep it as short as possible. Like I said, still trying to figure out this blogging world and whether long posts are appropriate) Long story short- I went to the doctor and got meds for hypothyroidism. A while later I got blood work done, and received a secured message that my thyroid antibodies were quite high. So part of keeping it real, is sharing the “not so smart” things I do- YES, I googled my symptoms. I broke down in tears because according to Google I had thyroid CANCER! No I don’t have thyroid cancer, but I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and well part of that very blunt conversation with the doctor was that- yes, there was a risk of developing thyroid cancer.
A while ago when my friend also suggested that I join a challenge at The Camp, I was tempted to join- so many people were doing it and losing weight, but there was always that fear “What if I can’t do it?.” One day I spent time Googling reviews to see if anyone with Hashimoto’s Disease had been successful. I wanted the reassurance that someone with similar circumstances as mine had been successful in losing the 20 lbs in 6 weeks. In the hours I spent searching, I found ONE page. That’s another reason why I wanted to blog this experience. I simply want others in this similar circumstance to know that they are not alone. We got this!
As I searched for other pages that specifically talked about fitness and exercise for individuals who have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, I came across a page that summed up many of my everyday struggles- it was draining though. Yes, I was able to relate to many of the things they shared, but it was as if the person behind the page was settling with their disease and not willing to change anything around them to better their circumstances. Do I have these days? HELL YEAH! But that’s not what I want for me or you. I want support-someone who’s going to understand the obstacles that come along with weight loss and say “Hey Queen and King, I know you’re struggling, so take a quick break, come back, and push harder.” As I continued to search for some sort of reassurance that I was very much capable of doing a challenge at the camp, I came across the letter below. It brings a sense of comfort knowing that someone understands a piece of me. This is exactly what I want to do for you- let you know that I ,too, understand a part of you; that it’s not always going to be pretty flowers, rainbows and glitter, but instead of settling for these circumstances I want us to help each other succeed with our health and fitness goals.
I am sharing the letter in hopes that it brings some comfort to you, knowing that someone out there understands a part of you as well. You’re definitely going to have your not so good days, but you’ll get through it!
Hi. My name is Hashimoto’s. I’m an invisible autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid gland causing you to become hypothyroid. I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and any way I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over. Remember when you and energy ran around together and had fun? I took energy from you, and gave you exhaustion. Try to have fun now. I can take good sleep from you and in its place, give you brain fog and lack of concentration. I can make you want to sleep 24/7, and I can also cause insomnia. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. I can also give you swollen hands and feet, swollen face and eyelids, swollen everything. I can make you feel very anxious or very depressed, too. I can also cause other mental health problems. I can make your hair fall out, become dry and brittle, cause acne, cause dry skin, the sky is the limit with me. I can make you gain weight and no matter what you eat or how much you exercise, I can keep that weight on you. I can also make you lose weight. I don’t discriminate. Some of my other autoimmune disease friends often join me, giving you even more to deal with. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away from you. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus or viruses you had that you never really recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma (I thrive on stress.) You may have a family history of me. Whatever the cause, I’m here to stay. I hear you’re going to see a doctor to try and get rid of me. That makes me laugh. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on the wrong medication for you, pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants. There are so many other ways I can make you sick and miserable, the list is endless – that high cholesterol, gall bladder issue, blood pressure issue, blood sugar issue, heart issue among others? That’s probably me. Can’t get pregnant, or have had a miscarriage? That’s probably me too. Teeth and gum problems? TMJ? I told you the list was endless. You may be given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, you’ll be poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken seriously when you try to explain to the endless number of doctors you’ve seen, just how debilitating I am and how sick you really feel. In all probability you will get a referral from these ‘understanding’ (clueless) doctors, to see a psychiatrist. Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and just how debilitating I am. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. They’ll also say things like, “if you just get up and move, get outside and do things, you’ll feel better.” They won’t understand that I take away the ‘gas’ that powers your body and mind to ENABLE you to do those things. Some will start talking behind your back, they’ll call you a hypochondriac, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially if you are in the middle of a conversation with a “normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next. You’ll be told things like, “Oh, my grandmother had that, and she’s fine on her medication” when you desperately want to explain that I don’t impose myself upon everyone in the exact same way, and just because that grandmother is fine on the medication SHE’S taking, doesn’t mean it will work for you. The only place you will get the kind of support and understanding in dealing with me is with other people that have me. They are really the only ones who can truly understand.
I am Hashimoto’s Disease.
I don't sweat. I sparkle. 